Or much of anything I write for that matter.
She says that the side of me that writes is not a side of me that she considers seperate from the side that she knows. So I wonder, is she afraid to be suprised? Or does she not want to delve that deeply into my thoughts feeling that if I have something to say to her I'll say it directly…?
We've been together quite a while, and there's a comfort level between us. Despite living together for several years neither of us wishes to get married at this time, citing our own reasons, and we have no children. I would consider our relationship healthy, we spend time together easily, have similar interests in movies comics and their trends, while also being able to still have our own independant interests and friends without each other around. It's a stable old relationship and frankly we might as well be married.
Last night I got away from work (I work away from home these days.) to go visit her, catch a movie and spend the night. Late in the evening I showed her this from a blog I recently found, and she loved it. I asked her if she was reading my blog and she said no, citing that she doesn't want to see that side of me.
Now I can understand that she might think these are my personal thoughts or interests, and I've never forced her to read anything I've written before, but wouldn't she be interested?
At what point in an intimate relationship do you decide that there's a boundary in your knowledge of your partner that you don't want to cross?
Is her choice to not read these thoughts based on a desire to respect my privacy so that a misinterpretation of my writings won't skew her perceptions towards me? Or is it based on disinterest? Is this stuff dull?
Part of me appreciates having the freedom to be my own person without having to worry about those closest to me poking their noses into every tiny aspect of my life. But I also write this stuff to "share" with readers whoever they might be. Their taking the time to read and perhaps respond gives me hope that my ideas aren't worthless or trivial.
I know there are elements of my girlfriend's life that I don't pay much attention to, so this is a two-way street. I know from experience that the things she does that don't interest me are things that are often associated with something I actively dislike. Perhaps there's something in my writing that annoys her…
I've been told that I come across differently when I'm communicating textually rather than verbally. I guess that's to do with the fact that I have a backspace key and can take however long I want to decide the right words to use. Plus the hangups and social missteps people have the tendancy to make are lessened, because the text betrays none of the hesitancy and uncertanty that people might be feeling as they speak. It's hard to channel our exact personalities onto paper, and really who would want to?
Perhaps my girlfriend doesn't see the same endearing qualities in my writing that she loves about me in person.