An Epic Battle of Man Vs. Beast

As I have mentioned in the past, I am a gamer.  A player of Role-Playing Games.  We gamers are an often misunderstood lot.  Living so often in our fantasy worlds we sometimes try to spice up our dreary real-world lives with a bit of fantasy flavor.  It is here that we run into trouble.  Dress up, make believe, and speaking like the village idiot from 14th century europe aren't always understood in our modern world.   So, in an effort to bridge this cultural gap, I will explain one of the events in my life as a gamer would, then offer translations so that the rest of you can understand.

Gamerspeak: 

A horrible vile beast has invaded my territories and is causing havoc in it's wake.  Allready it has damaged the crops, and it's ravenous hunger threatens to consume my stores as well.

Translation:

There's a mouse in my work shack, it's shitting on my counter and got into some meat I left out last night to thaw.  It's getting onto my cupboard up through the gas oven and onto the stove.  I have half a mind to leave the oven on low at night to make it's trip a bit less jaunty, but I'm thinking there's fire-code issues there. 

 

Gamerspeak:

I intend to battle the beast for control of this land!  Allready the guards around the remaining food stores have been doubled, and I'm clearing all places it can hide it's filth.  I shall flush it out and in the clear light of day we shall do glorous battle!

Translation:

I had to clean the shit off of my counter, disinfected it and whole 9 yards, goddam disgusting.  Oh there will be repercussions, nothing shits where I eat.  When my cat pissed on my stuff I had his balls cut off, this mouse best take heed now.  

 

Gamerspeak:

But I shall not kill the beast.  I will instead capture it, and harnass it's fearfulness to enhance my reputation!

Translation:

On the rigs pranks are a way of life… and mice are prankster GOLD!  There are no shortage of crazy things to pull on someone with a mouse.  My only connundrum is wondering who I'd pull them on… after that the mouse if free to run, and if he comes back… it's a new prank.

 

So there you have it.  A simple event in my life enhanced by the whimsey of fantasy role-playing and then translated for your understanding.  Try it in your own life, you never know… YOU could be a gamer too. 

 

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About Helmsman

Importing a Vox Blog.
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