Earlier today I read an excellent post stolen by my friend Kendra. She posted it privately to hear the responses of a few friends, but the original can be viewed here for those who are interested. I have to say, my response sort-of balooned, and in some ways diverted from the discussion she wanted to provoke. So I'm re-posting it here.
I really did like this, and I seriously think you'll get more comments from guys agreeing with it. Reading this hit me really close to home because a long-time friend of mine, and very much a steriotypical "Nice Guy" just got married yesterday. I couldn't attend because I live at work, but from what I heard, I'm glad I didn't. The guy never had his shit together when he was single, and now that he's stuck with a lazy woman who's just as codependant as he is, it's not going to get better, but he's married now and that's what matters. Nevermind that's he's successfully managed to seriously piss off all the people who ever gave a damn about him for the past 10 years over a trophy wife.
I know that I've been guilty of some of the Nice Guy traits in the past, and could potentially be guilty of some in the future, but I've got a steady girlfriend and have for the past several years so I don't see it being too much of an issue. I'm fairly cautious with my online flirting too because I value meaningful friendships more than some awkward cyber session.
I'm not a naturally confrontational person, I've fought shyness all through my childhood and like many introverts I've become very good at diplomacy in order to avoid confrontation. I'm confident now, and I'm not afraid to call someone on their shit, but it's usually a calculated measure to bring an issue out in the open to be addressed. This in my opinion makes me a pretty nice person, but I've found no matter how diplomatic you are, you absolutely cannot please everyone, and sometimes you've got to choose what's best for you, realising that was hard for me.
What's funny about all that is that I wish that I was less diplomatic, more confrontational, more sharp and abraisive, or at least had the capability to be this way. My pop-culture heroes are Dr. House, Vic Mackey, Spider Jerusalem, Sawyer, Malcom Reanolds and the Authority. Whether or not you've heard of them they have one thing in common, they're all assholes. Sly, smart, witty, driven, intense or just plain godlike, all of them are pricks. They don't care what people think, they do what they think is right. (Or at the very least what they want to.) In my writing I sometimes try to simulate their style, but to the people who know me it rings a false and it's too much effort to maintain.
I don't want this to pick up women, and though the idea of having the abraisive wit of House does bring a smile to my face I mostly want it so that I KNOW, that when push comes to shove I'll have the balls to stand up for what I believe in and win.