I've been mulling over this post for quite a while, and finally I've decided to take the plunge. Today I'm venturing into a topic that's near and dear to me, sex. This is not a blog going; "Woo Hoo I finally got-some!" Or; "Please Donate!" This is me attempting to offer some of my humble opinions and learnings in regards to the delicious act. I am not a kink-crazed sadomasochist, and do not have any particular fetishes, but I will warn you up front that the stuff I intend to discuss is not "vanilla sex."
Over the past few centuries, sex in western society has come a long, long way. Not so long ago, the whole act was something akin to a marital duty where a good wife remained silent for the duration and a good husband finished quickly. I for one am fucking thankful those days are over.
Even now the female orgasm is shrouded in myth, it's something many men consider impossible except in a tiny portion of women who seem to be able to cum at the drop of a hat. Magazines and modern journalism do little to dispel this myth, it's too lucrative a mystery. They sell themselves on tartaric secrets from the far-east and expert advice from leading gynaecologists, when in reality you can pick up a full hardcover copy of the translated Karma Sutra, completely illustrated at your local boutique for less than the cost of 6 months subscription to your rag-du-jour.
Even more startling is the idea that men require nothing more than the presence of a female to be ready for sex. This I consider just as harmful a myth as the idea that most women can't have orgasms. This way of thinking gives rise to retarded ideas like "once you get married the sex starts to suck" and "it's hard wired in a man's psyche to want to stray." There is a misconception that men are always ready and when proven false the man in question feels embarrased and unmanly, while the woman feels hurt and unloved. This does not have to be the case.
Sex is about exploration, and if you believe there's nothing more to explore with your partener sexually you're wrong. It's not a robotic act, there are so many factors in-play, emotion, trust, loyalty, role, body position, sexual orifice, and external stimuli all have a bearing on each and every time you crawl into the sack. These factors vary in intensity, and altering any aspect will drastically change the sexual experience.
There's a reason why I put emotion and trust at the forefront of the list. For women no two factors play a more pivotal role. Anna David, author of Party Girl and sex columnist for Stuff Magasine was asked once what her best sexual experience was? The reply: Her best sex was always with someone she was in-love with. I'm sure the guy asking was wanting a down-and-dirty decription of the kinkiest thing she'd ever done, and probably went away disappointed, but she was honest, love has everything to do with it. For women sex is an act of giving one's self and love and caring are a huge part of that. Oddly enough the biology of it has the woman receiving the man which in some very visceral way seems to make you feel a bit more vulnerable. I think any guy who's been on the receiving end of a bit of anal experimentation might agree with me, but more on that later…