Thoughts of Death

Yesterday Tash gave me the first season of 6 Feet Under. 

I never knew what it was about, but I picked it up and put it in the DVD player on a whim today.  I didn't know at all what to expect and oddly I found myself liking it.  It's about the effects of death on life, something I can't say I ever understood.

I'm no good with death… or perhaps life for that matter.  Tash knows and understands this, she sees how awkward I am around people who've lost a loved one, she takes the lead and eases me out of the picture before I embarass myself.  No one important to me has ever died, my Grandfather died, but it wasn't a really big deal for me… it happened during a very transitional period of my life and didn't seem that important in the big scheme of what was going on at the time.  It was just a small event to me.

I don't get very close to people.  When Kyle tells me I'm his most consistent and longest lasting friend I don't know what to say… when my friend's daughter lists me in her "Extended Family" on her facebook profile I'm dumfounded.  It's touching to think about things like that, but I don't know how to deal with them.  Friends for the most part have always been alliances of common interest to me.  I never really thought so before, but now that there are a few legitimate people in my life that I genuinely care about no matter what they do or say or have to offer I can see the difference. 

I don't get invited to many weddings, I attend even less of them.  Funerals are like inverse weddings, I think that the number of weddings you attend is likely proportionate to the number of funerals you'll attend later on.  It's like the amount of hurt you experience is on-par with the joy. 

I think I like 6 Feet Under.  I'll go watch some more.

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About Helmsman

Importing a Vox Blog.
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One Response to Thoughts of Death

  1. Wifey said she's worried about for this post in fact it made her worry for the male of the human race for our inability to share feelings and understand our emotions. Thankfully we have women who do and help us just like Tash helped you.
    I don't deal with death very well at all either. It's awkward but not for the same reasons you've stated. For me it's because we for some reason want to put a dead body in a room and cry over it. I've been told it's to say our final good-byes and allow for some closure. Never have I felt that way and a part of me hopes that I will someday be observing a funeral where the body will spontaneously sit up and moan. I also think it would be great to have a herse with a coffin made into a cooler and fill it with ice and beer.
    When people say things that are close to them I start out saying thank you and then follow up with something I may be feeling. It doesn't have to be soul-felt, just honest. And it's hard, but people are just people. They share the same strengths and weaknesses you do, just in greater or smaller increments. Eventually, courage will come and you will be able to shake hands and be able to honor the dead and their survivors.
    And as I continue to think about death, I don't see him as something scary or horrible. He's simply a change in how we are. For christians it's just a change, but on whether or not it's a good one….that's up to us and the Big Guy upstairs.

    Be thankful for these ties you have and don't be scared of them. Be couragesou and celbrate these ties you have with your friends. It's your obligation as you care for them and they for you. Say thanks and be happy.

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