Cheers to the Queers! May the Women all Be Ours!

It's been another of those weeks.  


One of those weeks where through NO doing of my own I've been subjected to debate after scandal after fucking annoying headline on a topic that I I've closed the book on long ago.  But everyone keeps bringing it up!  So after much deliberation I'm going to post my take on things so that hopefully everyone is so impressed by my wisdom and insight that they call it definitive and shut the fuck up about it.

To all you far-right gay-hating conservatives; repeat after me:

"Gay people are good, they don't steal your women."

If that isn't enough for you to get over it, how about this:

Gays and lesbians DON'T breed, there is scientific proof that this is so, therefore if there really is some "gay" gene that you're so scared they're going to spread you needn't worry, they'll eventually die off.  In-fact perhaps the whole inclination to being gay comes from some subconscious understanding that if our cushy way of life ever ended that they would be trampled in the struggle to survive.  Therefore they're choosing not to procreate in-order to keep mankind strong.  I think that's quite admirable don't you?

Therefore I postulate that homosexuality is an enlightened condition!  "A heightened sense of things" if I might paraphrase from 300.  These people are humanities martyrs, sacrificing their lineages so that humanity can continue to evolve into a strong and capable race through the adversity that is sure to come.  Why wouldn't you want them in your churches?  (Yes I'm talking to YOU Westboro Baptist Church)  With such enlightenment and understanding you should be welcoming these gay people, their sacrifice is akin to Jesus willingly being crucified so that we might have eternal life.

So stop bashing gays, it makes you look ignorant and stupid, you should be thankful that gay people exist!  Most of the gay guys I know are always surrounded by WOMEN!!! If they weren't gay they'd be getting the pick of the litter!  Think about it, they're better dressed than we are, they're nicer than we are, and they're more sensitive to women's needs.  Best of all you can send one into your bedroom to cuddle with your wife when you don't want to and not worry about him grabbing a piece for himself!  We should be thankful they're not breeding!  Otherwise all those artsy straight guys would be kicking our butts in the evolutionary ladder.

So please, quit picketing actor's funerals or wasting press time from the real issues in the world, go down to your local pub, get a pint of whatever poison you so desire and raise your glass and say it with me:

"Cheers to the Queers, may the women all be ours!"

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About Helmsman

Importing a Vox Blog.
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