What Tracts are Good For

Miz Shush posted a really great post on evangelism a bit ago and I felt I'd throw my own two cents in on the topic.  


Up until 3 years ago I'd never seen a Chick Tract, I didn't even know what one was.  I honestly don't think that breed of Evangelical Christian can survive the cold up here.  The first hint of their existence was from this comic:

My first experience coming across a real one was with my good friend Kyle back when he was working as a late night clerk at a gas bar several years ago.  We were in the store hanging out when a burly biker-type walked in and told us how he was a repo man and was returning from Alaska to his home in Arkansas with a car he'd just repossessed.  We were fairly interested and he told us how he'd been a member of the Hells Angels in his younger days and had tried nearly every drug known to man, and we were thinking "Cool.  Big friendly badass biker repo-man."  And just when we figured the guy was totally cool he said.  "Then I found Je-sus."  And started preaching to us.  Our smiles of interest turned to grimaces as we hoped he wasn't going to stay too much longer.

He left the gas bar with an open invitation to the church he ministered at and gave us each a Chick Tract titled:  "If Jesus was coming tonight."

Inside were some of the most bizarre statements I have ever read.  The theme of the Tract was that if the second coming were this evening what would we be doing.  Some of the things I remember from it were:

"There would be no petting parties on the roadside."  (If anyone from Arkansas is reading this, Kyle and I would LOVE to know what a petting party is and what roadsides they're held on because we might go watch.)

"There would be no more bean suppers held in churches."  (This was the other weird one we read, because I'm not sure of it's significance… are beans sinful?  I know they can cause gas… and no one wants to sit next to a gassy person in church… but is there something particularly wrong about eating beans in church???)

Anyhow, we saved those tracts but I've not been able to find them anymore.  Otherwise I'd be scanning them and posting them here for amusement and interpretation.  If any of you know any good sites with humorous tracts on them please, send them my way.

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About Helmsman

Importing a Vox Blog.
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